Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
