textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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