i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
