Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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