I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
false alarm, still single
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
