Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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