I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
