Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
