He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
