Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
