I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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