You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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