Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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