i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
