in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
