I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
