My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
