You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Randomize
