I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
