Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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