The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize