tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
