I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize