I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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