There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
