k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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