she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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