i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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