She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
