i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
