everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
