i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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