so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
