Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
