Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
