he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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