For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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