I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
