Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
