Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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