Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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