you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
