Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
