I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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