She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
