Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
