May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
