I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
