The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
