Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
These tits shall not be calmed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
