bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
