1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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