I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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