you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
