Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
