I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
