In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
