she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
