Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
