Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(907): View more from Alaska

my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up

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(816): View more from Missouri

I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now

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(925): View more from California

just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook

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(949): View more from California

she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."

(949): View more from California

little did she know i was taping her the whole time.

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(253): View more from Washington

Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?

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(631): View more from New York

she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!

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(406): View more from Montana

I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.

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