He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
