nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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