I love black thongs
grandma shit on top of the toilet
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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