last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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