they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
