atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
