i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
