that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
