i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
