I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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