Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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