he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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