My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
