So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
