Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
