If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
