guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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