I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
